Ep77: 13 ways the Spanish will KNOW you’re a tourist

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Want to live like a local in Spain? We've spent almost 6 years living in Spain, and today we identify 13 things that tourists do, that the Spanish would never!

As ever, we focus mainly on bars and restaurants, and we'll show you the 13 things we've learnt that will instantly identify you as a tourist in Spain. 

For example, you never order a pint, and Sangria isn't really a thing!

Hope you enjoy this one!

NOTE: This is following our new format of podcast episodes that are either about:

  • WHY you want to live & work abroad
  • HOW to live and work abroad
  • WHERE to live & work abroad

Let's get stuck in. 

The roadmap we mention can guide you through the questions you need to ask before starting your own adventure.

Want to get involved? It's completely free – just go to ASidewaysLife.com/roadmap.

As ever, get in touch on Instagram (@asidewayslife) or email asidewayslife@gmail.com. We genuinely would be thrilled to hear from you.

The Transcription

Note: This is autogenerated so may not be 100% accurate!

Leanne
We're big followers of the gin and tonic, but if you're going to do it, do it right. Hello and welcome to episode 77 of a sideways live podcast. The honest guide to living and working abroad. I'm Leanne…

Al
I'm Al.

Leanne
Surprisingly. We're back a week later.

Al
I know. We had what we had how many weeks off was it? I know. We even got shouted at by hello, Beth.

Leanne
Hi, Beth.

Al
She was listening and she emailed and said, Where did you go? Yeah, we were a bit slack and we're not professional broadcasters, are we're not?

Leanne
But the upside of a disappointing for one best went all the way back to episode one. I'm sure she listened to about a minute and thought, Nah, skipped you to about 30 something.

Al
Episode one is what they like to call in the trade. Rough and ready. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, so we're back, hopefully with a slightly more polished version, though not that polished. So if you're expecting something cool, then it's not the podcast for you. We're not professional, by any chance. And we'll tell you, in fact, I think even .1 of the conversations we're talking today will be proven by the fact that we're actually consuming it right now. So do you remember what we've called.

Leanne
This lea 13 Ways to summer in Spain. Like a local?

Al
Yes.

Leanne
Brackets, restaurant and bar edition.

Al
Because what else do you do in Spain in the summer?

Leanne
I don't know. What else do you do?

Al
Well, I think you lie on the beach and then you restaurant and bar.

Leanne
Yeah.

Al
So eat, drink and sun.

Leanne
Sleep, repeat.

Al
Exactly. In fact, eat, pray, love thing from Bali. We should do one called Eat, drink, Sun for Spain. That would be a film with Julia Roberts and everything.

Leanne
Sounds good to me.

Al
Okay, without any further ado, although there's been plenty to do so far, do you want to crack on with your number one thing, which is what was it called again?

Leanne
What was that called?

Al
The episode?

Leanne
Oh. 13 ways to summer like a local in Spain. Brackets, restaurant and bar addition.

Al
Yes.

Leanne
It's a catchy title. Snappy.

Al
We spent hours on that this afternoon. Whiteboards. There was postit notes.

Leanne
Yeah, we circled back to a couple of things, put a pin and some other stuff.

Al
Okay, so number one way to summer in Spain, like a local, brackets, eating and drinking addition.

Leanne
I think you should take this one.

Al
Okay. If you come from any kind of Northern European or potentially the US, or I'm not quite sure everyone in the US does this, then you'll be thinking, Can I have a pint of lager, please? And one of the biggest giveaways, if you walk down any kind of per se or what's the word when it's in front of the sea?

Promenade.

Al
Promenade in Spain is if you see anyone sitting there with a pint of lager, you can almost guarantee they are not from Spain, because the problem is that Spain currently is 30 degrees outside, which is quite mild. I say mild, but compared to the interior of Spain, where it's on fire, it's 42 degrees at the moment. In Cordoba, in Malaga. It's 30 degrees. You don't want a pint of lager because by the time you get halfway through, it's warm and it's horrible. So instead of drinking pint, they have like two or three different names for it. So they have what they call a caña, which is kind of roughly a third of a pint .

Leanne
Does that sound like a little glass?

Al
If you're Australian and listening to this, you'll know what that is, because you'll have a schooner and that's basically a third of a pint. And that's what most people will drink, is a caña. Now, it does vary. Some places bring you a smaller glass, some bring you a place to bring you a wine glass, et cetera. But that's what most people ask. So when you go in and by the way, don't try and translate this like we did, because caña means pipe, does it?

Leanne
Yeah, something like that.

Al
It does. So it's not a direct translation, but you want to ask for caña, which is C-A-N with a little hat on it. A so you say, una caña por favor and they will bring you a small beer. But you do about Euro 50.

Leanne
Yeah.

Al
And you drink that and then you ask for another one. So don't be drinking pints, by the way. If you do want to drink pints, then ask for jarra, J-A-R-R-A which will bring you a big, like handled I'm miming it, you can't see this, but it's a big jar with, like, a tanker, a glass tank, and they'll bring you that, but you don't really want that.

Leanne
Or a pinta you can ask for as well. It doesn't usually come in a pant glass, but it's a much larger glass.

Al
If you do drink your beer quickly, then you can go for a tubo. I think it's called T UBO, which is like a double caña. And tubo, I think, means tube. So you've got a pipe or a tube. Not quite sure how that works out, but anyway, so there you go. So that is tip number one.

Leanne
It's a good tip. It's a good tip.

Al
What have you got for number two?

Leanne
Number two people in Spain, locals in Spain, don't really drink sangria. And I know, Shock Horror, it's a drink we all associate with Spain, but sangria isn't really a thing. Yes, you might see it on a menu, but truth be told, it's probably there for the tourists. What you actually want to ask for is a tinto de verrano, which is a wine of summer, and it's essentially a red wine spritzer, but you get red wine with what's called well, you have two options, actually. You can either get a tinted runo con blanca, which is like a light lemonade. I say lemonade, but it's not quite sweet or con. Limon, which is like a cloudy lemonade, and that is a lot more sweet. And it's just delicious. Lots of ice, usually a little bit of orange in it. Very light, very drinkable. And that is what the locals drink. You can get it in a glass, you can get in a jug. Delicious.

Al
And if you're making it at home, then the tip is to go to the local supermarket, which is generally in Spain, is Mercadona, and they have a.

Leanne
Theme song which sounds like Macadana calling it like jingle singing. That was quite nice.

Al
Sure, yeah.

Leanne
You're very good at it.

Al
I'm being a supportive husband. You can follow your dreams, darling. You could be a jingle singer. Thanks a jinger. So if you go to market on it, you want to be buying the cheap wine. It's called Don Simon and it was a euro and we used to live here, but it's a euro 50 for a litre. And you might think, Why am I buying? This is because we've tried it with expensive red wine.

Leanne
Doesn't work.

Al
Doesn't work. You want the euro 50 carton.

Leanne
That's the thing, isn't it? Whether you don't see Mon or another, it will be in a carton and you'll find it usually in the same aisle in the supermarket. It's going to have the cassara, which is the lemonade. You're going to have it with the tonic, the CocaCola, the tango, whatever else. It's going to be like the inverter comic soft drink style, but it's going to be in a cart. And that's what you want to look.

Al
For if you want to be authentic on the casares, is what Leanne said. C-A-S-E-R-E-S-I think. Or a s. I'm not sure which. Is that the female or male?

Leanne
It'll be right next to it, though. Right next to it.

Al
And that is usually a sugar free almost like a soda, but it's got.

Leanne
Some artificial sweetener in there, somewhere between it's like a sweetened soda. It's not quite a lemonade, but it does have a sweetness to it.

Al
And you've been doing roughly 50 50.

Leanne
Is that the 50 50? Yeah. Good. Bit of ice, slice of orange, 50 50.

Al
So there you go. That's tip number two. You're going to be asking for a tinto de verano. Varano tinto de verano instead of sangria. So tip number three is that generally the Spanish don't order dishes for themselves. So if you are in the UK, I don't know about Australia, actually, but certainly UK, Ireland, America, you tend to go out and say, I'll have the steak, and then who you with will say, oh, I have the fish. It's totally different in Spain, isn't it, Leah?

Leanne
Yes, it is. I thought you can do this one. No.

Al
Oh, sorry. All right, I'll do it.

Leanne
You continue. I was engaged in what you were saying.

Al
She's on instagram. So what you tend to do instead is you order some tapas, which usually are very small dishes. And I'm sure I know I'm preaching to the choir, I know you know this, but tapas is very small dishes. If you're sitting with four people, you might get four tapas and then you'll probably get two or three rafiones. Am I saying that right? Rafiane.

Leanne
See a Racines or Platosum as well, and typically you'll see them and it will be a dish, but rarely with the side that will come with it. So it would just be like a plate of lamb chops, a steak, some fried fish, but that will be all it is with the idea being you get a couple for the table Alice sent through and you share, you pick, pick, and you might start with fish and you might move on to meat, and then you might get something else. And typically it's like a one to two or two to three ratio. So there's two of you, one plateau per course. If there's three or four of you, maybe two plateau per course. Because the beauty of Spain, the absolute beauty of Spain, which I love, I really miss when we're in the UK or somewhere else, is that one dinner is an event like, what are you doing today? I'm going for dinner, period. And there's no idea what you do after that. Well, there is nothing to do after that because dinner is going to take 4 hours. But also it just takes that pressure off.

Leanne
What's the portion size and how much you're going to eat? It's like, no, you just order a couple of plates, you eat them once more. Sure. Order another couple of plates, eat them once more. Sure. And the wait staff are like, yeah, cool, that's how it's done. Why would you order it all together?

Al
Try going to Manchester and sitting there and going, we'll just start off with a couple of little starters and we'll see how we get on. And then just see how that works out for you because it's not going to work out very well. The other thing is that there's something called medea, which is a half a raffleist rafionist, depending on what they are. But generally speaking, about ten to €15. And you're going to get enough for sort of easily two people, possibly three. If there's just the two of you, then I was just going for two tapas and one medea, like, is it medium or mediomedia, which is a half Raphaelis? And that will do you and just be an answer if it doesn't, order more. That's the beauty of Spain. You're sitting there and you're probably going to be there for 4 hours. So if you're from northern Europe and you think that dinner takes about 40 minutes, change what you're doing. Just relax, be like the caramel bunny and just calm down.

Leanne
Absolutely. And I think just as an end to the whole meals don't come for one person, is that if you're going out for dinner at 08:00, you basically have tourists stamped on your forehead. Genuinely. And it is nowhere of a myth. People in Spain do not sit down to eat until half 09:00.

Earliest.

Leanne
Earliest. There's a saying in Spain, if you get harm at 02:00 a.m. I going to go out for dinner. It's a Saturday night thing. And of course, if you want a yearly, fine, but you're not going to get that same atmosphere if you're in somewhere with lots of Spanish people and have a snack. Push it in the back. Siesta. It's a good life.

Al
Definitely. So, talking of eating late, number four, what's your top tip for number four for eating late?

Leanne
Don't order pierre.

Al
This is quite controversial and it's something we only leanne maybe in the last year of living in Spain.

Leanne
Yeah. The thing is that paella is a lunchtime dish, much like in Italy. You'll rarely see people ordering pasta at dinner unless it's a very small starter. That's not a very small starter size. Paella is a lunchtime dish. It's there for sharing, it's there for groups of people. It's not an evening meal. So, again, and the danger is, and it's not to say like, don't be a tourist, because the great things about being a tourist and we're al tourists, but the thing is that you're rarely going to get a decent pair in the evening because they're not geared up to make good pair in the evening. You're going to get the best pair at a beach bar or what's called spinach and guitar, and you'll get a big dish of it and it will have fresh fish in it. It would be amazing.

Al
So don't order paella. And I think the technical reason behind it is that rice is difficult to digest. So you don't have it at 11:00 at night when you're about to go to bed, because you're going to wake up with indigestion. And that's the other thing is that if you eat like a local in Spain, you rarely have indigestion because you might have a lot of bread at lunchtime, but not so much in the evening. And bread is almost always used to push things on your fork. It's not used. You'll see, tourists get bread and then they get oil and Basum in again and they'll pour it on the plate and they put the oil in the bathroom in the middle. So it was like a kind of a brown fried egg and they're like, Ryan, we dip my bread in that. The Spanish lucky is going, what the hell are you doing?

Leanne
And it's a fair point, but it is delicious. I do enjoy a bit of breakfast, but, yeah, it's more just to mop up the sauces of whatever dishes that you get. It's not necessarily a dipping situation.

Al
Yeah. Your oil and balsamic is for your salad. Really? Okay. So that was yours, wasn't it? So I'm going to move on to number five, which is something called copas. Copas is cups is the literal translation, but essentially it is gin tonic, it is vodka tonic, it's cocktails, it's anything that comes as a kind of liquor with mixer. Is that fair to say?

Leanne
Yeah. My mom and dad used to call it a long drink. Is that still the same?

Al
I'm sure it would be a short drink, a shot of vodka or something. Yeah, we'll come on to that in a second. But copas is a big thing, so people will go out, they'll either go out usually copas before dinner or copas after dinner, and you'll find that there are places that are proper, like gin joints in Malaga, in Sevilla, in most of the cities, where all they do is copas. And you'll see they're called copas and you ask for a gin tonic and you don't just get a sad single shot of Gordon's gin, some old tonic and some lemon they found behind the fridge that they've dragged down, thrown in there. You're going to get like a display. You're going to get in terms of the garnish, they will often ask you what garnish you want with it, or the garnish will change. If you ask for Seagram's Gym, for example, you might get Twist of Orange. If you ask for what's the strawberry gin that you get in severe, I forget. Anyway, there's a strawberry gin. It will come back to me. And then you'll get strawberry, literally strawberries in it. But also, the second thing to bear in mind is that it's usually about triples in terms of the actual pore.

Al
The interesting thing is that in Spain it is legal to sell alcohol without a licence. And you don't have to have the weights and measures like you have in most northern European countries, where they'll measure at 25 mil and throw it in your glass. They'll just pour it until they're sick of it and then they'll stop pouring.

Leanne
And you'll notice as well, it'll be a difference between if you would like a premium spirit, like for example, Hendrix Jinn, versus a domestic spirit like Lariosjin So a Larry Ostein, which is basically like the Gordon's equivalent. In Spain, you're going to get a decent nine paw and when I say nine pool, you're going to get those bottles with what's it called, used to.

Al
Work in bars, although it's called a plastic asshole.

Leanne
With a plastic asshole, then you'll see that they'll just hold the bottle up and with a domestic spirit, you'll get a nine pool. They're going to hold that for 9 seconds. With their premium spirit, you're pulling out more like a five or six paw. You're still looking at at least a double. But, yeah, it's quite a wonder. And they take it so seriously, the massive cubes of ice, the big gin glasses, or copper. The whole point isn't copper, it's a big glass, the garment. Yeah, like a goblet. They take it so seriously. I respect them so much for that. Because if you're going to have a gin and tonic, asking to our listeners, we're big followers of the gin and tonic, but if you're going to do it, do it right.

Al
Absolutely. And they'll pour the tonic down a twisty spoon and all that kind of stuff anyway, so look for coppers in your local place you will find lots of like generally younger people. I think they do skew younger for lots of people, but just don't be afraid. And if you are in Spain, just ask for Larios or ask for Larry's Daffy, which is a blue bottle. It's kind of like a twelve, I want to say twelve years. That can't be twelve years. It must be twelve botanicals or something. But that is really decent. Don't think of Gordon's because Gordon's isn't very good in our opinion, in our home. But it's not just before you move on to number, I'll get it counted up. 123-4567 six. I want to talk about the short drink which is chopitos. And at the end of the end of a meal, particularly if you're in the campo, which is the countryside, they will offer you a chopito for free, which is usually something very sweet, which is a bit like I suppose like a Bay Lea sort of thing.

Leanne
It's after a meal, isn't it? So it's meant to be like but you either get the stronger ones for example, we have one called Eerbas, which is like a liquor with lots of it. It's bit like a drinking soap, like a Jagermeister but like green and herbie. It's not so good but you might like it. Or you'll get lemon Chelsea in some places. Or you'll get Cream, which is like a Bailey's Book caramel flavours. You will get like an Arab secure. You'll get Agua Caliente, which is just like what's the Irish one called? Grappa. Irish Italian Grappa. There's lots of different ones. But my favourite place with Bing, you don't get it very often, but you typically more so in the campo is that they'll typically make their own lemon cello Airbus Crema or the Irish Cream. And they'll just bring you little bottles, probably more than like 200 miles. And I bring them in an ice bucket, four different types. Two to be a glass, like shotgun and just leave you to it.

Al
And from what we understand, you don't get charged if you drink a lot, you'll be fine because it's built into the meal and obviously because it's not like the UK US, where you have to be licenced to make your own. It cost them nothing to make it so we're not nothing, but it cost them they don't have to go and buy it. So you often find that people just put your half the bottle down. I think the general agreement is that you don't drink at all.

Leanne
I think you may be hit halfway on each one, that you've had a good fill. But typically just try a shot of two, really.

Al
And it's not as shot as in like down in one. You sip it anyway. So there's a chapitos. So now I believe we're on number seven, are we leanne number six?

Leanne
So if you thought coppers were a big deal in Spain markets, food markets are an even bigger deal. And you'll know this listener, if you have been to European City, you will know there are some incredible food markets out there in Spain is no different. The only exception, I would possibly say, is a slight more risk rather than like a gourmet food market, a bit more skewed towards a general shopping market that opens typically more in the morning. And we'll have, particularly from the coast, the best fried fish you can imagine.

Al
Thank God.

Leanne
Our favourite place. Amalga is Makada de Venus.

Al
Yes, I forgive our pronunciation, but it's.

Leanne
Just a big food market like shopping market. So it's got fruit, olives, vegetables, meat, fish, and there's a few outlets at the front of it, they just sell. You basically get all the produce from the market and cook it. You have a great fish stand, a great meat stand, everything in between, cheeses, chicotry, if you will. And it's just the best way to spend a Saturday afternoon. You get there about 01:00, a couple of canyons. You know, our canyon is now couple of canyons, bit of fried fish at one stall, maybe go get a bit of lamb chop and go somewhere else for a cheese. And DJ Steve, it's just the best way to spend a Saturday afternoon.

Al
So if you are going to Malaga and yes, you, I'm talking to you, who's going to Malaga next, then find this market, Mercado Della, do you remember it? Leanne atte Anas. It's kind of in the centre, just on the outskirts of the old town. And as you look at it, then you want to go in the left hand entrance, walk in, turn left and you will see on the back wall will be a place cooking fish. And directly opposite will be a bar serving food. And the bar outside the counterpart will be full of people standing there. What you do is you stand awkwardly until there's a space and then you pull up to a space and you order from the menu. And what's brilliant is that about 15% of the food comes from the bar, which tends to be cold stuff, like cold muscles, cold prawns, whatever. And if you order something hot, they will shout across the market to the place opposite and they will cook your fish for you. And oh, my God. If you've never had a double decathlon oh, my God. The best place, it's called Dogfish or Pink Cat, shark or it's got lots of different names.

Al
It's got a bone in the middle. It is the best fish I think you can get in that market.

Leanne
Yeah. Adobo may say and you may know because it's a thing, isn't it? But they marry the fish, like vinegar first before then battery and deep fry it. So you've got the vinegary taste of, like, the best fish and chips off of UK, but it's not. Soggy it's just let's put this short and go now. Come on.

Al
We went last week and we had the best time. Okay, so talking of fried fish, my number seven is the chiringuito, or basically the beach hut. And it is not a beach hot because they take it seriously. So there's two types of restaurants on the beach. There's the one, which is a building that's usually on the Paseo or the promenade. It's usually there, which is built. It's usually been there for 30 years. And it's usually owned by someone called Antonio or Pablo or something like that. And then they have these cherry Gitos that used to be sort of like shacks built out of just wood and whatever. And they have a big old boat out of an old boat on a stand at the back. They put a barbecue inside it. I'm dribbling, so I'm thinking about it charcoal on the top. And they would grill something called a spatter, which is basically a Spanish sword, where it's basically a piece of wood. And they put like six sardines on it and stick it in the sand in front inside the boat. Buy the fire and cook and they'll be brilliant. Those times have gone because I'm guessing because a lot of them caught fire.

Leanne
I think there was some health and safety concerns about the wooden shacks. Yes.

Al
So they're all now steel based, but they're still in the shape of a boat is great. So basically you got two choices. You either go to kind of an almost established place on the front, or the cherry gita, which generally now are sort of brick built or steel built or something. They've been converted from the shacks. But either way, when you go along there, what you're looking for is fried fish. Or you're looking for something steamed or you're looking for something alabarasa, I think it's called, which is on the barbecue. Those are the three things you want. If you're looking for, like, meat, I'm sure they'd sell it, but to be honest, you're looking at fried fish. Now, the top days to go for fried fish is Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Friday, because they're a Catholic country and I'm not Catholic, but Leanne is. And so you always have to eat fish on a Friday. But it's lunchtime. You'll find them absolutely packed and there'll be full of lots of people. And there will be people there in, like, tiny little bikinis. There'll be men in little swimming trunks. There'll be women all doled up with hats and stuff.

Al
And it's basically the place that the Spanish go on a Friday, Saturday, sunday lunchtime to go and eat fried fish.

Yes.

Al
So those are the places if you are there at the weekend, then you want to be looking for a chilling guitar or you want to be looking for a place by the beach to eat your fried fish. Did I cover that? I feel like I went off on Tangier because in my head I was imagining eating my double. Which.

Leanne
Is wonderful. What you'll find as well. Particularly if you go to places that are very famous for fried fish on the coast. For example. If you do find yourself in Malignant. Is a district called El Palo or Pedro Galecho. Which are slightly to the east of Malaga. If you send. And that whole strip of beach, probably about 3 miles, is just filled with fish restaurants and trunkitos. And whether it be a Wednesday lunchtime or a Saturday lunchtime, they are packed. There is lots going on. Even if you don't like fish, just go, because it's an amazing experience. It will be an experience you don't really get in other restaurants in Spain.

Al
Absolutely. Even if gasoline says, if you don't like fish, just get along there and just try a couple. And not expensive. This afternoon we went for lunch. We had a couple of canyons and I think we had four plates, and including four beers and four plates was about €30, if I remember. So you sit there and just go, I'm just going to try this. Just do it. Just give it a go, because you never know. And adobo is our recommendation. And then my next recommendation is I can't remember exactly what it's called, but it's calamari TAS, I think it's called, which is like tiny little baby squid. They're only about the size of maybe about two or three inches high. I think they're great. Even if that puts you off, you should try it, in my opinion. Anyway. So we are now on to number eight, lea, which is what?

Leanne
Number eight follows along the seaside theme, which is promenading. Promenade is not just something that happens in Bridgeton, my US listeners. It is a real thing. Promenade might not be done anymore in the UK, but it is certainly still done in Spain, particularly on a Sunday, particularly on the coast. And you will see people dressed in their finery walking down the path of the beach. Up and down, up and down. I'll stop for coffees, I'll stop for coffee, they'll stop for lunch, I'll stop the ice cream. But the primary activity that day is to walk up and down. And why wouldn't you? Because it's such a beautiful coastline. There's so much taken there's atmosphere. Sunday afternoons, go promenade, set yourself up about half twelve, 01:00 an hour walk or so. Have yourself a fishy lunch, couple of canyons, couple of copies. You're going to blend in like a local.

Al
Absolutely. So we've written down here, but I'm going to swap over the next. One, which is number nine on your list, lea I want to swap it over for the one after that or the two after that. So in terms of tips, it can be quite awkward. How much do you tip? We've asked lots of locals here. They tend to say if it's a coffee, $0.10 is fine, $0.20 is fine, just to change rounding it up. If it's a meal, 10% is fine. If you're tipping 20%, then they're going to be obviously very grateful. But just don't feel like you have to because of the expectation is around about 10%. Now, I'm sorry, if you work in Spain in the service industry and you think that's completely wrong, if you do, then email us at Sidewayslife@gmail.com. But generally our locals have told us that is the expectation is around about 10%. The other thing to consider is if you're in a restaurant, particularly if you're on the seaside, you will find that people will come along and do all kinds of things in front of the restaurant looking for tips. Occasionally these are brilliant guitarists and singers.

Al
Sometimes they're slightly shit jugglers we saw today. And occasionally you see like three or four boys, I say boys, probably oldest about 30, but who just do these tumbling acts and basically do like jumping on top of each other and hanging off each other. And amazing stuff, which we saw last week. They will come around and ask you for a tip if they're doing music. Often they'll turn the guitar upside down, pointed at you, and the idea is you put down a euro or something. Don't feel like you have to put down loads, unless you want to, of course. So I think that's just to manage your expectations, that it is a bit different. I mean, Boscas and the like would probably get chased out of restaurants in the UK. But you're sitting there, you'll have your meal and you will have buskers potentially in the restaurant, outside the restaurant, you'll have people coming around trying to sell you bangles, bee, beads, sunglasses, etc, etc. It's a normal thing. And it's perfectly okay to say no. Good atheists.

Leanne
Yes.

Al
So that was number nine. What have you got for number ten there?

Leanne
Well, we've talked a lot about lunch and dinner and drinking. Let's roll it back to breakfast. So what does breakfast look like in Spain? Well, the first thing to know, like any Mediterranean coffee, any Mediterranean country coffee is a big thing. But how does one order a coffee in Spain? What do they have? I know, interestingly, costa now have a quarter of on their menu, which is a very Spanish coffee, which is basically like we're talking any kind of coffee in Spain. And there was a great tiled Muriel, wasn't there, in our local coffee bar and lived in Kalmar with all the different types of coffees. And basically all you really need to understand is whatever your coffee you're asking for it's. Just the only difference is going to be the ratio of coffee to milk, basically. So your espresso of course, you know it's just pure coffee. Then you get a quotado is like an espresso with like one to one. Then you get a cafe on Lecture Cafe with milk, which is similar to a flat white you're looking maybe like two to one. So one being coffee, two being milk and then you go on to you can get cabinet at a Grande which is maybe like a three or four.

Leanne
It's like a latte. And then plot twist in the summer you can ask for a cafe coffee with ice or a cafe con lexicon yellow which is a white coffee with ice. And they won't bring it to you like a Starbucks, like in a plastic cup of straw. It's already mixed in. They were just bringing your hot coffee with a glass with ice in it with the point being if you want to add sugar ever else you can do that in. Your hot coffee dissolve nicely, you pour it into your ice, you swizzle it around.

Al
Lovely things to consider with the coffee is that certainly on this tile there was 16 different types of coffee, all with slightly different amounts of milk. But they weren't called cafe gon leche grande. They were called like sombrero and sombreros. I'm sorry, I don't know what the actual words were. They probably weren't called that but they've all got and if you go to Mafia, you'll have a different type of coffee and then you go to Madrid, you'll have a different type of coffee. Then you'll go to Sevilla and it might be the same coffee but it's got a different local name.

Leanne
And you'll also find coffee places that just will only do like an espresso coffee, a cortado or caffeine latchi because they only have this sized cup. So if you want something else we can't do it because we only have this size cup. I feel more intimidated going into a coffee shop than I do going to a bar restaurant because it's like how are you guys doing coffee? What's the crack? What's your cup size? What do you call it? It's a lot.

Al
Exactly. So as a rough rule of thumb, you know what espresso is, that's fine. If you want a 50% milk, 50% coffee, it's a court order. If you want 30%, 33% milk, 66% coffee is caffeine ledge. If you like a latte for example, you probably want to ask for a caffeine leche glandi. Is that fair?

Leanne
I think they don't understand it.

Al
Yeah, they would. But just beware if you ask for a cappuccino, you'll often get whipped cream on top. That might catch you out. So yeah, you have to ask for.

Leanne
Me Italians out there leaving that shit up.

Al
Definitely. Okay, so I think we're on to number eleven and I am still going to talk about breakfast because you talk about coffee, didn't you?

Leanne
It's actually number twelve because you kind of pushed the tip and the music tip into one.

Al
Okay, so we've got number twelve here is breakfast in Spain is a little different to northern Europe and America and I'm guessing Australia and New Zealand. There's really rarely cereal. Cereal is not really a thing. Bread is a massive thing at breakfast. So what your coffin gets tostada so you'll get like basically imagined sort of size split into toasted and they'll bring it to you and you can have a choice of several things on it. Honey, you can have decontamate, which is like a pulsed, not sweet tomato. You can just have olive oil with salt. You can also have something called sabra. Let me just double cheque if I'm saying this right. Sabrasder. Sabrosada, I'm sorry if I'm saying this wrong. Sabra sade, which is basically a pate, but it's bright red and it's like almost made from chikville.

Leanne
Our favourite though is the task of cone tomato, which is outside. It's like you get your toasted bread, they'll bring it all to you so you can construct it yourself, which is quite nice. If you're out, you'll get a little tub of olive oil and you just pour that on a little tub of the tomato and freshly pressed tomato and you put that on a little bit of salt. Delicious.

Al
Lovely. So if you normally have butter, try the olive oil. You can ask for butter, which I think is mante kia. You can ask for that but generally go with the olive oil if you can. So that is breakfast.

Leanne
Well, we have not mentioned the sandwiches.

Al
Well, I was going to leave that for like number 13 or something.

Leanne
That is the last one. We've reached our destination. That shaped my sandwich.

Al
Well, here's your bonus tip, which is about sandwiches. Sandwiches are a big thing. Sorry, I thought my computer just crashed. Then it just went into screensaver mode. So the sandwiches, you ask for sandwich in the UK and you're going to get they will ask you, what would you like it on? You ask for a sandwich in Spain and what do you get?

Leanne
Lea a sandwich which is sliced bread.

Al
Sliced bread, literally like long life sliced bread. That's what you're going to get and quite often be toasted without even asking for it. So that's the sandwich you're never going to get like a morning roll or a bat or what's the other word for it? It's like kind of like five different types of things. So there's the sandwich, which is just sliced bread. Then you get a boccadillo got that wrong. And that's kind of like a crusty bread roll. So it's almost really soft and the idea is like a mini baguette. And in that then they'll put things like they will put ham, they'll put cheese, you'll get a special ham, serrano ham, which is like the serrano ham is with really good cheese. That's a great deal. If you went to Madrid and you asked for the broccoli de calamaris, which is the typical sandwich from Madrid, you're going to be getting fried squid rings inside the same piece of bread. So that's a boccadillo. The sandwich is basically long life sliced bread. Boccadillo is usually some sort of longer crusty roll. And what about a comparison?

Leanne
Lea is a bat, as in, I don't know how you do this. Research means Camper is a bat.

Al
Imagine a burger bun without the seeds on the top. Is that sort of size? It can come often. It comes with burgers inside and borgasa inside. But you'll also get tuna, you'll get ham and get mayonnaise. Cheese almost always a comparative has mayonnaise, almost like to the point we have to ask not to have mayonnaise. And a comparison compared to is a sort of late night snack. You've been drinking tinted Virano all day, you fancied a snack. It would be a comparison. What about pitufo? I'm not sure. I'm not saying this right. Petufo.

Leanne
Petufo Petefo. I just remember we've had them often. You'll find them in maybe like tapas restaurants or that type of thing. Lots of different feelings on them, but they usually small, soft role, a bit like how you have like sliders, like a teeny tiny burger, a bit like that, but not restricted to beef.

Al
And in fact, if you go to we're not even touching on Pinchos, which is from the north, which is basically.

Leanne
Podcast I've done itself.

Al
That's a slice of what looks like a baguette, but they call a basket over here with some kind of topping. And they are incredible. But the last thing is just to bear in mind is that Monte ditos hang on, am I saying this right? Monte Dito. Monte Dito. Monte ditos is kind of our understanding is it covers all of those things. It's a sandwich, but it's also a bitufo it's also buckedaya because there's a place called Mahindramontedito.com and there's like a subway of Spain, but they all come in small, sort of imagine sort of four inches, five inch long sandwich, quite soft roll, all kinds of things. Apparently it comes from the verb monte monta. Sorry to mount not that kind of mount. To mount the sandwich, to top the sandwich or something. So I'm not sure if that's any clearer, but there we go.

Leanne
That sandwiches.

Al
Shall we run through these very quickly?

Leanne
Yes. Don't order a pint. Order can you bow? Don't drink sangria. Drink into the Verana. Meals don't come in one for one path for many people.

Al
Number three, you carry out paella is for lunchtime, not dinnertime. Number four, number five, copas, which is the gentle it's a big deal, that's number five. Number six is markets are a big deal. Go and eat in a market. That was number 12345. Six, this is so professional. Number seven is go to the beach for a fried fish at the Chiranguito or a little place to eat. Number eight is the promenade. As in walking. That's a big thing on Sunday. Number nine is that you leave a tip of about 10% and you can happily give 550 cents for music. And number ten is breakfast. No, coffee. Was it? Number ten was all primarily I did. And number ten was about coffee and all the different types of coffee. Number eleven lea sandwiches. You love sandwiches. Number twelve was breakfast.

Leanne
I know. Just go back and listen. Count not.

Al
And your homework is to go back and listen and write these down. Each one of these, because we've forgotten. We don't.

Leanne
There's 13 in there somewhere.

Al
Yeah, there's 13 in there. Okay, so I think they were 40 minutes in. Has that covered things?

Leanne
I think it has.

Al
I don't think we ever need to talk about food and fade again.

Leanne
Is there anything you're still here listening. Thank you.

Al
Yeah.

Leanne
Send us a message.

Al
Send us an email. Podcast. No, sidewayslife@gmail.com. And just say, yeah, I listened all the way through 41 minutes of you talking about fucking sandwiches.

Leanne
Are you hungry now? Aren't you?

Al
I bet you are. We haven't talked about croissant. Croissante. They usually do a croissant with in the middle, ham and cheese and then heat it up. Great. Don't tell the French, because they will.

Leanne
Be they would lose their shit. Just to be clear, we bought everybody and pissed off the French and Italians in this episode.

Al
Plus the Spanish for you. They don't do shit.

Leanne
No, they don't.

Al
Okay, guys, we are looking for your opinions, for your feedback, for anything. If you're like Beth, who just wants to get in touch and ask us a question, do it. We will answer. We will actually answer. I mean, granted, we're in a bar in Malign having a beer, and she's not replying, so maybe she looked at us and thought, but now get in touch asidewayslife@gmail.com or search for us. In fact, just Google asidewayslife, because we dominate page one with everything we installed. Facebook, YouTube, even. I'm not on YouTube. You'll find us. Yeah, right. Until next time, hasta moy Ponto. Bye.

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